I was sitting in the lounge of our local library – it was really quiet because school was not out and my girls were both curled up in chairs with books of their own. My favorite companion of late is simply a good book, it would seem that my apples have not fallen far from the tree.
More blissful would have been a steaming mug of hot chocolate in one hand and a book in the other, but I was taking a moment to journal – something I had committed to. I was also mentally planning a wardrobe of fleece, leggings and fluffy socks for a trip to Vermont. Mention of this trip caused my youngest to ask if I was going on a date. Hmmm, a four day date to the snowy mountains where it is much below freezing and where there will be a roaring log fire, and hopefully s’mores. Because – s’mores, umm, possibly better than s*x.
This amuses now, but back then it was something I had given much thought too. Yes, s*x. Turned out that after an almost twenty-year relationship, the physical side of having a significant other in my bed was quite easily replaced with a very small power-driven slice of Heaven and rechargeable batteries. For the record, it didn’t fart, sweat or hog the covers. It also awakened … ooh, let’s not go there, but who knew?
But the question of dating continued to rear its ugly head due to familial pressure and after perusing the online sites just one more time, I came to this conclusion. Look at the main picture. Carefully. Now, look at all of the pictures, because face it girls … men are
shallow visual beasts and are only looking at your pictures and do not care if you climb mountains or save orphans as long as you have a nice rack. Now, remember how you were taught that if you were addressing an audience and you were nervous, you were supposed to imagine them in their birthday suits so to speak … well, look at these pictures – now imagine these men nekkid. For some of the profiles, this might not be much of a stretch what with all the half dressed, bathroom selfie, six pack wannabee shots. Now that you have the visual, look deep into the eyes of that grainy picture and imagine that you are clothed only in the way God made you. Now visualize this person moving in for the kill, aka sliding between your covers for a little ‘sheet dancing’ as it has become known.
If you gagged at the thought, poured another glass of wine, and considered bleaching your eyes … then clearly, he is not the man for you. See how easy that was? You are welcome. Back then I just continued supporting the humane society because you know what they say – if you want loyalty, get a dog. In recent times, the dogs have been relegated to baskets at the end of the bed. Just saying.