If you are tired of not getting what you want, you are definitely not alone. As women, we tend to feel anxious about coming off the wrong way or being viewed as being overly assertive. Some of us are “people pleasers”. We fear offending by voicing our wants, dreams, or desires. Some of us are just uncomfortable asking for something for ourselves, whether in relationships with our family and friends, neighbors, our children’s school staff or, maybe especially, with our bosses. We may decide the most comfortable thing is to not ask for what we want. In this case, dear sisters, silence is NOT golden.
The good news is, there are just a few simple steps to learn for you to become more comfortable and efficient in asking for what you want – and getting it! There is an art to asking for what you want. You do not need to worry about being overly assertive or coming off the wrong way, as long as you follow these simple guidelines.
So sisters, are you ready to get more of what you want out of your life?
Follow these steps.
1) Write It Down
It is essential to write down your end goal or objective so that you have a way of organizing your thoughts, what it is you want, your desired outcome, and the points that you may need to bring up, or examples to help support your request. Nerves many times can get the best of you in the moment, and your mind may go blank. Writing it down helps solidify the talking points in your memory to call upon them when you are asking for what you want.
2) Be Clear
You must have organization within your thoughts, intent, and delivery. Check your nerves and emotions at the door before you start your conversation so that you can remain focused. You want to avoid any possibility of miscommunication, so you need to have in mind what your goal, objective, or wish is, and then clearly outline what it is you want to prevent misunderstanding. The more detailed and exact you can get to map it out for the other person listening to you, the more likely you will get the answer and outcome you are looking for.
3) Posturing & Body Language
We have all heard that the greatest amount of communication happens through non-verbal communication such as body language. But did you know that your posturing and body language can also alter your perception of your self-image, confidence, and mood? Command the respect and attention to whom you are speaking with, and also to yourself. Stand up taller, have your arms open and not crossed, and speak with confidence. You will impress yourself, and more likely get what it is you are asking for.
4) Grace and Gratitude
Equally important to body language is our tone of voice and the words we choose. It is important to speak clearly and politely, and use positive words. Using a sharp tone or negative words will immediately put the person you are speaking with on the defensive, and they are less likely to agree with you. As a part of human nature, they will either not fully listen to what you are asking, or respond back in the same way that you are communicating with them. This will completely derail your chances of getting what you want. Remember, it is not always what you say but also how you say it that makes a difference.
5) “No” is not personal
Unfortunately, we cannot always get exactly what we want. It is important to not let this discourage you or to cause you to feel less about yourself. Evaluate how the discussion went, and how a future conversation could go. As long as you part the conversation on good terms with the other person, it may have just been a “No, for now, not no forever” type of conversation. Grow your own personal development to learn how to work with things the way they are currently, and how to in the future you can open up another dialogue to ask for what you want in possibly a different way. Remember your worth and value!