Anxiety is an Asshole

I don’t swear on this blog….or not very often anyway. However, Anxiety is a dummy, anxiety is a jerk, anxiety is a doo doo head or anxiety is a idiot just doesn’t convey my true feelings. Because, you see, anxiety IS an ASSHOLE! And living with anxiety is HARD.

Since starting Cipralex, I have been able to get my anxiety under control most of the time. It is not 100% though. There are still times that I can’t make myself pick up the phone but these days I can usually force myself. Currently, we have a lot of things going on and my husband is VERY busy at work so I’ve been trying to pick up the slack…..even though this means talking on the phone and figuring out things that I am not 100% confident about. Which leads me to …

Reason #1  – There is no rhyme or reason around what causes Anxiety.

I have always considered myself fearlessly willing to do ANYTHING. I guess I’m fearless at somethings….travel? FEARLESS!…being on TV? Fearless!…calling Telus? ZOMG, NO! So if someone who you consider outgoing, on top of things and fearless tells you that they have anxiety about something you think is inconsequential, understand that they probably aren’t pulling your leg. We realize it is frustrating to you to try to understand. Please realize it is frustrating to us to live with it.

Reason #2  – Anxiety attacks don’t always happen right when we have to do something that makes us anxious.

Just the other day I did a TON of things that normally cause me anxiety. I talked on the phone to multiple people, I signed us up for a new service, I picked out new furniture (without having D there to decide if it would look right/fit/etc with me). I felt fine all day and gave myself virtual high fives all day. That night I had an anxiety attack while sitting on the couch watching TV. At the moment of the attack, nothing was going on, nothing was causing me anxiety but BOOM….attack. So frustrating!

Reason #3  – Anxiety doesn’t always look like anxiety. 

We’ve talked about this before. When I am anxious, generally I don’t look scared. I look ANGRY. Like tear off your head and spit down your neck angry. Sometimes this anger is semi-justified and sometimes it’s just because you happen to be breathing the same air as I am. Logically I realize that this makes me look like a raving lunatic and makes me less than friend material but I can’t always help it, control it or realize what is going on (though I am getting better at all three).

Reason #4  – Anxiety steals the sunshine from your life.

Often Anxiety keeps you from enjoying the things you love, living your life, enjoying your family and much more. Worrying that you will have an anxiety attack often keeps you inside and away from the action because it’s just easier than explaining…again. Also, as much as your family and friends may try to understand your anxiety, they can only take being yelled at because of your Anxiety so many times. This isolation is one of the reasons that Anxiety and Depression often go hand in hand.

Reason #5 – Admitting you have Anxiety often comes with a stigma attached. 

Many believe that Anxiety isn’t real or that you could will yourself “better” if you really wanted to. Every time I write about anxiety, I have people email me, DM me, etc to tell me that they too suffer from Anxiety but they are afraid to admit it. They are afraid that those around them wouldn’t understand, would judge them, would fire them, would divorce them, would unfriend them….the list goes on.

Anxiety doesn’t define you! You are more than your Anxiety! The more we band together, stand proudly and say “I have Anxiety”, the less time we have to live in a world that stigmatizes Anxiety sufferers.

Merry Kuchle
Merry Kuchle

Merry Kuchle is a writer, social media addict, mom, step mom, wino and foodie. Living in Canada after growing up in the Deep South of the US and learning how to live with anxiety.